I haven't posted on this blog in a few days. That is a problem I have, not sticking to things that I want to do. Since this is a new year for a "fresh start," (very cliche), that's something I need to avoid, so here I am.
Today I am having plans with my best friend, or my boyfriend, boo. We see each other maybe once a week, at the most two days a week, because we live about 45 mins to an hour away from each other. We are going out to eat (bad for my 25 under 25 diet plan), but good for us since we have to figure out a new time arrangement because of my new job and the new classes that I have this semester.
I am also trying to find time to study, since 2 out of the 3 classes I am taking this semester are online. One is statistics...ugh. lol. I had planned to study all day yesterday, but a friends belated birthday lunch came up and I didn't want to miss the celebration. It was a good time. The three of us girls went to eat, and after me and the birthday girl decided to hit a coffee joint afterward. And that leaded to hanging out all night with her and her relatives, that I had only briefly met before from a previous outing. Her family was nice, I felt very akward at first, I kind of felt like
my friend invited me and herself to their house.
my friend invited me and herself to their house. But after that they made me feel warm and welcome which is new for me with older people who are married, with kids, and homeowner association fees. While we were at their house they had a couple come over with their little girl. The woman was very nice, toned, and just a fun person to be around. She had everything about her made into perfection. Usually I shy away from people like this because of my own insecurities. I feel like I don't belong to people like this because I don't really associate myself with people like that.
I would love to, don't get me wrong, but I've just never been around people like this to the point where we have dinner parties, hung out, gone out for drinks. I don't do stuff like that. Am I homebody? Maybe. But I had such a good time I really hoped that they would be my new BFF's. I've never had a group of friends to call my girls. I have a friend here, an acquantance there, never having a chance to bring anyone together. I did a friend request on facebook for the relative of the woman I know, I couldn't find her friend, but I hope this evolves into something more.
When my friend asked me if it was ok to go over their house, I said sure! When she asked me if I had to be home at a certain time I said No!, don't worry about it. Did I want to go to their house at that time? No! Did I have to be home at a certain time? Yes! For some reason I have trouble saying no to people. I told my boo this and he disagreed, since I am always saying no to him... But at least I don't regret going over there yesterday, when my friend asked, I thought it would be a good networking opportunity, maybe some of them, knew someone that could set me up with a job interview or something. But we had girl talk, tons of laughs, and martini's. But enough about this for now.
My new job: I started the job on Thursday, I was really anxious and worried. They are having me follow an experienced nursing assistant which has been really great so far. She tells me the scoop, what everyone is like, expectations of the job, how to handle different situations which is nice. The only thing that sucks is that she smokes and I follow her around all day, even during her cigarette breaks which sucks because it makes me want to have a cigarette, but I am proud to say, I have not asked, nor been offered for a cigarette. I even told her that I couldn't go on the breaks with her because it makes me want a cigarette. So kuddo's to me. My boo doesn't like smokers, I did have one yesterday at lunch with the other girl that was celebrating the b-day for our friend too. But those are just minor details that boo doesn't need to know. But anyway, I really thought the job would be unbarable, but it isn't quite as bad as I thought. It actually makes me want to finish school so I can get paid more and not have to lift such heavy people and wipe poop off of people, but no where will I be able to find a job that pays more than this. I would love to work at the call center that I worked at previously but they haven't called me since I have applied. Maybe when I am done with my AA (in May), they will find me better suited. I don't know.
Everything is in the air for life. There are many ways to go, many field's to work in, and a long way to go, but at least I am working on something to have the life I want. I may not be able to have a Lexus SUV and a bemmer like that woman that I hung out with yesterday, with the huge house, huge bling, and fake nails and eyebrows. But I know that I will get further and further along in my life. I do need to apologize to boo today when I see him. I started crying last night on the phone becuase he said 
it was weird I was hanging out with an older person (the birthday girl), and I just balled because he pointed that out and I started feeling like a loser. I started hanging out with her because I don't really know anyone in the area. She is nice and we get along, and so far have had only good encounters. We went to the movies one night. Then we met up with our other friend, the smoker, for coffee, and yesterday we went to lunch for the b-day girl. I would rather, be out, be around people, having someone to talk to than staying at home with my parents. So I just told him that I wasn't happy, that I didn't have any friends that want to spend time with me (except for one) and him. He tried to make me feel better by saying that I have my D (my little girl), and him, who drives an hour away, sometimes twice a week, with a car with no air conditioning. So I feel bad for making him think that what he does is not enough, (I said I hate my life, or something like that). It's not him, its everything else. Basically the stuff I can't controll. I can't force people to be friends with me. I can't make my boyfriend get a great job so we can move in together and be a family. So that is why I take xanax.. sometimes. It's a prescription, by the way. Over the summer I was really depressed because of my living situation and being unemployed, so the dr. gave me xanax.
it was weird I was hanging out with an older person (the birthday girl), and I just balled because he pointed that out and I started feeling like a loser. I started hanging out with her because I don't really know anyone in the area. She is nice and we get along, and so far have had only good encounters. We went to the movies one night. Then we met up with our other friend, the smoker, for coffee, and yesterday we went to lunch for the b-day girl. I would rather, be out, be around people, having someone to talk to than staying at home with my parents. So I just told him that I wasn't happy, that I didn't have any friends that want to spend time with me (except for one) and him. He tried to make me feel better by saying that I have my D (my little girl), and him, who drives an hour away, sometimes twice a week, with a car with no air conditioning. So I feel bad for making him think that what he does is not enough, (I said I hate my life, or something like that). It's not him, its everything else. Basically the stuff I can't controll. I can't force people to be friends with me. I can't make my boyfriend get a great job so we can move in together and be a family. So that is why I take xanax.. sometimes. It's a prescription, by the way. Over the summer I was really depressed because of my living situation and being unemployed, so the dr. gave me xanax.
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